Teddy: a Battle City Story
by evil arrowhead
Summary: Ever imagine Battle city gone awry? The Heart of the Fist? Kaiba possessed by a teddy bear? Random musical outbursts? If you haven't, good for you.
1. The Beginnin'

evil arrowhead: Ahaaaahaaaha! My last attempt was a failure, but this time I will surely succeed!

Evildreamstealer: Didn't you say that about all of your attemped fanfics?

evil arrowhead: Silence, fool! This time is different! You'll see! I will submit it this time! I will write it correctly and nicely!

Evildreamstealer: I guess you shouldn't waste time on the hopeless... evil arrowhead: that hurt...

Disclaimer: uh, could I have a fancier name than "Disclaimer"?

Disclaimer the Great: evil arrowhead doesn't own Yu-gi-oh, or any other anime, and we're all very glad she doesn't.

evil arrowhead: heh,heh, heh, heh, heh.

Disclaimer the Great: very glad.

...................................................Chapter One: The beginnin' of Battle City....................  
  
Finally, a new tornament had begun! Yugi Motou was now looking around the city for a duel.  
"Yami, for Ra's sake, just choose a duelist!" Yugi complained mentally.  
"Yugi, it wouldn't be fair if I just preyed on the weak." Yami responded.  
"You just sounded strangely like Yami Bakura."  
"Do you want a time out, Yugi?"  
"Noooooo! I don't wanna a time out!"  
"Somebody needs to learn manners!"  
"B-but I don't wannaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" By this time a small group had gathered around Yugi.  
"Hey, John, who is this guy talkin' to?"  
"I dunno, Billy."

"Yugi, honestly stop throwing a fit! You're fifteen! Somebody your age shouldn't be acting like that!"Yami continued  
"John, do you see a fifteen-year-old throwing a fit?"  
"Nope, do you, Billy?" Suddenly, a person pushed through the ever-growing crowd.  
"Hey Yug! I need some help!" Yami suddenly snapped out of his trance and looked towards the ever familiar and annoying voice.  
"You can be such a weakling sometimes, Joey." Yami mumbled.  
"What did you say!?"  
"Errrr----I'd be glad to help you anytime!"  
"Dat's good news, Yug, 'cause I need your help!"  
"Well, what is it?" Yami said, growing impatient.  
"Dat rare hunter needs ta be taught a lesson, Yug!"  
"Then why don't you do it yourself!"  
"Are you mad?! He whipped me last time! Please, Yugi, you gotta hear me out on this!" Joey continued to plea.  
"Well alright, Joey, let's go find the Rare Hunter."  
  
So, our heros set off to find the rare hunter, unbeknownst to them, but beknownst to us was the leader in charge.  
"Heh, heh, heh, looks like the pharoah is about to face my first servent." Said an ever annoying voice.  
"Master Marik, all of the rare hunters are in their stations."  
"Excelent, Odion, everything is going according to plan."

evil arrowhead: yawn how boring, I think I'll spice things up.... Suddenly, the Rare hunter base started to shake.  
"What the—aaaaaaaaaahh!" screamed Marik.

The rare hunter base was now turned into a barn.  
"um, moo?"  
"Shut up, Odion."  
"Sorry, master."  
"Aahahahaaaahaa!"  
"Oh, now you're laughing at me, Odion!"  
"It wasn't me master, I swear!"  
"Then who was it?! Was it you, teddy?"  
"....................."  
"Sir, I don't think it was teddy."  
"Shut up! Teddy is speaking!"  
"........................"  
"We should've just stuck to taking the opponent's rarest card......"  
"What was that, Odion?"  
"Nothing, master."  
"..................."  
"Teddy says that some unknown force has decided to tamper with destiny!"  
"Master! A teddy bear cannot speak!"  
"Sure he can, right, teddy?"  
"......................."  
"See, Odion, he can!"  
"Give back teddy, you creeps!" yelled a little girl's voice.  
"Nooooo! I don't wanna!" Marik wailed  
"Master, you could share."  
"Well I don't wanna share!"  
"Master, please you're making a scene!"  
"No one is here! Right, teddy?"  
"........................."  
"What?! There is some one! Oh, yeah, the girl.!"  
"That used to be my line. Right, teddy?" The little girl emerged from the stable to reveal: Rebecca!  
"I thought I got rid of you!" snapped Marik  
"Well now I've come back, for revenge and teddy!" Rebecca exclaimed  
"Teddy has already chosen sides! Right, teddy?"  
".................."  
"sniff teddy how could you! Waaaaaah!" Said Rebecca as she ran off.

Evil arrowhead: Ahahaahaahaaaa!  
"Master, did you hear that?"  
"Odion, it's that laugh again! Who is it?"

evil arrowhead: it was me! Aahaaaaaahaaahaaahaa!  
"Hey, how come she gets the label?"

evil arrowhead: because I'm special, Marik, and I don't talk to stuffed animals.  
"Take that back, or I'll—I'll start singing!"  
"Master don't do it!"

evil arrowhead: I am so out of here! POOF!  
"Happy happy joy joy! Happy Happy Joy Joy!...."  
"Master you can stop singing now...she's gone..."  
"Happy happy joy joy! Happy Happy Joy Joy!..."  
"...will it ever end?" ............................................................................ ...................................................... evildreamstealer: you are so evil.

evil arrowhead: hence the name.

Evildreamstealer: you are so weird.

Evil arrowhead: and so was this chapter

Evildreamstealer: -.-() I just can't wait for the next chapter.

Evilarrowhead: speaking of which, get in here, Announcer!

Announcer: the Disclaimer got a nice name...

Evilarrowhead: fine!

Announcer the Magnificent: Will Yugi defeat the Rare hunter? will Rebecca get teddy back? Will the authoress stop her evil? Will Marik stop singing? Tune in next time!  
"Happy happy joy joy! Happy happy joy joy! Happy happy joy joy!...." Lets hope he does. You can reveiw if you want, or just do nothing. Ciao! And if something doesn't look right, it was the stupid document mananger!


	2. Rare Hunted!

evil arrowhead: The second chapter is up!

evildreamstealer: You're still writing it.

Evil arrowhead: That's exactly why I'm announcing it!

Evildreamstealer: come on in, Disclaimer.

Disclaimer the Great: ahem, Disclaimer the Great.

Evil arrowhead: Disclaimer the Great!!!!!!! Now disclaim!!

Disclaimer the Great: evil arrowhead does not own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or a weapon of mass destruction. Thank God she doesn't, or we'd all be dead.

evil arrowhead: don't go shoutin' out all of my evil plans!

Evildreamstealer: And so the fic begins.

########################################################################

When we last checked on them, Yugi and Joey were going to duel the rare hunter.

"Look, Yugi, there's that scum who took my Red Eyes!" exclaimed Joey

"Joey, please, you're making us look like nerds!" Yugi lamented

"I wouldn't be talking, Yugi, at least I'm over 4ft tall."

"Hey! It's not my fault that I share a body with a midget!"

While the two "nerds" were arguing a cloaked figure approached them.

"At last I have found you, Yugi!" exclaimed the voice.

Yugi turned around to meet some dork in a cloak.

"Dork in a cloak! I resent that!" the awful voice continued.

evil arrowhead: I never really liked you anyway...

"Um, could we continue the story?" questioned Yami the midget.

"Hey, don't you insult my friend!" Yelled Joey the retard

evildreamstealer: hey, arrow, I think you should really stop insulting them.

Evil arrowhead: fine! I'll be nice!

Finally, the authoress had come to a temporay truce, but you know how easily deals are broken....

"Now that found you, Yugi, I must duel you!"

"Fine then, Rare Hunter, let's duel!" the Yugi announced

"Okay, then, Yugi, you go first...."

evil arrowhead: yawn boooooorrinnngg! Fast foward to the good part!

All of the sudden, Yami and the Rare Hunter start making really high pitched noises and moving about.

"Yiippeeeeyeeyeeeeeeeeyeeee!" screeched Yugi

"Yaakadakyaaakkkkaaaadaadaaaa!" babbled the Rare Hunter

evil arrowhead: Ah! Stop! This is the part!

"Rare hunter! I'm sick of your yakking!"

"Well, I'm sick of your high-pitched squeeling, Yugi!"

"You're on, cloaked dorko!"

Yugi charged at the rare hunter and socked his face, causing the much taller man to crumble to the ground.

Now, we switch to the long awaited moment...

At the rare hunter barn...

"_Happy happy joy joy! Happy happy joy joy! Happy happy joy joy!"_

"Master, could you please stop?"

"_Happy happy joy joy! Happy happy joy joy! Happy happy joy joy!_

"............................"

"Hap- what's that, teddy? You want me to stop? Okay!"

"There he goes again with that bear..."

"Did you say something baaaaaaad about teddy, Odion?"

"Of course not, sir!"

"Good... hey, wait, I sense that one of my rare hunters has lost a duel!"

"Oh joy..."

"Why did you say that, Odion?"

".................."

"What was that, teddy? I look weird when I talk through my servents! Oh dear! I must look like a fool, teddy, it must be dreadful to watch!"

"...................."

"Oh, right my rare hunter lost! I have priorities!"

evil arrowhead: well, back to the brawl!

"Sheesh, Yug, I didn't know you could punch like dat!" Exclaimed a very surprised( and stupid) Joey.

Evildreamstealer:BE NICE!

"Any fight can be won, Joey, if you believe in the heart of the fist!" Shouted a very proud Yami, while holding up his hand triumphantly.

"Phoroah!" shouted a digitally altered voice.

"Oh no!" Yami exclaimed ", a digitally altered voice! That means trouble!"

"The pharoah isn't as dumb as he looks, isn't that right, teddy?" said the rare hunter.

"Wait a second...Rebecca...?"

"Fool I'm not Rebecca! My name is Marik, I'm talking to you through the magic of the Millenium Rod! Right, teddy?"

"Where did you get that teddy, Marik!" shouted the volume impaired Yami.

"I won it."

"Where did you win it?"

"um..."

"You didn't steal it, did you?"

"um..."

"Stealing is bad you know."

"Don't lecture me, Pharoah! It's not nice, right, teddy? Plus, the teddy bear isn't the only thing I'm going to steal! I'm also after the limitless power of the pharoah! But I'll need a few things first..."

Three Hours Later...

"...and a warhead, and a paintbrush, and an I.D., and a—Hey! Are you listening, Pharoah?!"

"Zzzzzzzzzzzz—huh? Oh, right, yes, are you done?"

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....now I'm gonna start all over!"

"Oh, man..."

###########################################################

evil arrowhead: the evil is growing...soon all of candyland will enveloped in darkness!

evildreamstealer: you seem to get more evil and weird with every chapter.

evil arrowhead: I like that word, **evil** hee hee hee!

evildreamstealer: You need...help...

evil arrowhead: Announcer slave! Get in here!

Announcer Slave: sigh What will happen next time? Will Marik stop ranting? Will Yami stop believing in the heart of things? Will this authoress ever get her sanity back? Tune in next time on Teddy: a Battle City Story!

A/N: You can review if you want... it would be nice...


	3. A New Host

Evil arrowhead: Yay! Finally! Reviews! Kudos to everyone who reviewed!

Evildreamstealer: I haven't seen her so excited, since she started talking to her food.

Evil arrowhead: Gee, I'm disappointed, Rhi, why can't you hear your food? I like to eat, because I hear the food scream when I take a bite out of it, right, chocolate? ( takes a bite out of the chocolate bar)

Chocolate: Aaaarrghh!

Evildreamstealer: You need help. Get in here, disclaimer!

Disclaimer the Great: evil arrowhead does not own Yu-gi-oh or a shotgun.

Evil arrowhead: I soon will... Mwahahahaaaaaaaa! Let the suffering begin!

Evildreamstealer: -.-()

######################################################################

".... And finally the 3 Egyptian god cards. You got that, pharaoh?" the rare hunter concluded.

"Yes, Marik, I did." Replied a very sleepy Yami.

"Finally, I will get my revenge! Right, teddy?"

"Dat rare hunter is creeping me out, Yug!" replied Joey after 3 hours of watching the possessed rare hunter.

"Would you both just shut up! I want some peace and quiet!" screamed Yami as he stormed off.

"Sheesh, the pharaoh needs some coffee." Marik the village lunatic replied.

"Yeah, I never seen Yugi so angry, what's with him anyway?" questioned Joey the village idiot.

Evildreamstealer: I thought I told you to be nice!

Evil arrowhead: You obviously did not read the sentences afterward! (chapter 2)

Evildreamstealer: don't make me hurt your (nonexistent) Naraku plushy!

Evil arrowhead: Nooo! You wouldn't dare!

Evildreamstealer: I can and I will!

"Get on with it!" screamed the Yu-gi-oh cast.

Evil arrowhead: Fine, back to the fic!

"Yugi, wait up!" exclaimed Joey as he ran to meet his friend. "I know if we work together we can beat dat Marik and his rare hunter goons!"

"Would you just stop talking! I don't need a pep talk, and your voice makes me sick to my stomach!"

"Well, anyway, I was going to give you a rare card, but I guess I can't support you anymore, Yugi."

"Huh?! A rare card?! I want it! I want it now!"

"I don't know yugi..."

"Give it here!"

"Let me think about it..."

"Fine, I'll have to take it by force! Go heart of the fist!"

"What the—THUNK!" Joey exclaimed as he fell to the ground.

"Heeheehee! A new card!" said a very happy Yugi, as he ran off.

We now join our villains (if you call them that, they're my heros, along with Naraku, and team Rocket, prepare for trouble!)

In the Rare Hunter Yacht...

"It's so nice to be out of that barn, right, teddy?"

"..................."

All of the sudden Odion screamed. "Aaaaaaaaaaah! I can't stand it! Marik, that bear has to go!" he lunged for the wretched cloth animal, but not fast enough, for teddy had begun to levitate.

"Teddy, are you still teddy?" asked Marik.

"..........SILENCE FOOLS..........I AM THE GREAT TADI!" teddy said in a very deep and loud voice.

"M-master, you were right teddy does speak!"

"I told you so, Odion."

"Master, from now on, I'm always going to take you seriously!

".............I SAID SILENCE FOOLS.........WHY DON'T YOU TAKE TADI SERIOUSLY??!!!" interrupted teddy. "WELL, ANYWAYS I HAVE TO FIND A NEW HOST, YOU'VE LOST YOUR USEFULNESS, MARIK!"

"Whatever, teddy." Marik said blandly as teddy flew out the door "I wonder if 'Tadi' knows about the severe storm that's going on..."

"#$%#! Aaaaaaaaah!" yelled a loud voice from outside.

"I think he knows now, master."

Evil arrowhead: you see, I don't want to be unfair to any of the characters, so I'm mean to them all!

Evildreamstealer: you're a real humanitarian, Jo.

Evil arrowhead: Aaaaarrgh! That word! Hiiissssss! Stay back, you, and your liberal phrases!

Back to Yugi...

"I wonder where this storm came from..." Yami questioned ", it's like some unknown evil force has caused it! This does not bode well..."( Kaede talk )

Back to Joey...

Joey woke up with rain falling on his face. "How in the world did I get here?" he asked himself ", Oh, right now I remember, Yugi was throwing a fit, so he threw his fist at my face and where is my Red Eyes?."

"Hey that dude is awake!" Yelled a surfer.

"Uh...what are you doing with dat surf board?" Joey asked (like he'll understand)

"Aw, dude! I was going to Domino pier to catch gnarly waves!" the surfer replied.

"In a severe storm?"

"Ahuh!" the surfer was about to say something else, but instantly he was struck by lightning and disappered. Immediately after that, the stormed cleared up and Espa Roba descended from the sky ( kinda like Sheba from GS).

Joey watched the event with awe then said ", Dat is the last time I eat stuff I find in the back of the fridge!"

#######################################################################

Evil arrowhead: haahaahaaa! As they suffer, my power grows!

Evildreamstealer: that is the last thing we need!

Evil arrowhead: get in here announcer slave!

Free announcer: I bought my freedom. Now it's your turn to be my slave!

Evil arrowhead: don't count on it! I have another slave to do my bidding! Get in here MonkeyMan!

Naraku: I have a name you know.

Evil arrowhead: Fine, Slave, do my bidding!

Naraku: sigh that's the last time I play you in poker! (sarcasticly) What will happen in the next chapter? What is this new evil "Tadi", what's with Yami, oh and most importantly, will the authoress stop being so cruel? Oh, the suspense! I can't wait!

Evil arrowhead: I could've sworn you were crossing your fingers the entire time.

Evildreamstealer: evil arrowhead appreciates reviews. However, evil arrowhead does not appreciate flames, so if you fear for your life, be courteous when you review!


	4. Everyone is mad

Evil arrowhead: more reviews! I'm happy!

Evildreamstealer: you're scary.

Disclaimer the Great: you're both crazy, so I'm glad evil arrowhead does not own

Yu-gi-oh or an Announcer Slave.

Evil arrowhead: I'm just borrowing Naraku, for a long time.

Naraku: Great...just great.

Evil arrowhead: I knew you'd be happy!

###################################################################

If you remember where we left off, (because I don't) I was narrating Joey as he watched Espa Roba descend from the sky...

"Greetings, I am Espa Roba! I have descended from the sky!" exclaimed the mysterious youth.

"Well it kind of looks like you were tied to somethin'." Joey said flatly.

Espa Roba proceeded to hide a string connected to a nearby building behind his back. ", No! I used psychic powers!"

"Well what makes ya psychic?" Joey asked.

"I can read minds. Oooooooo..." Roba said in a very creepy voice.

Suddenly, Rex Raptor emerged from the ground ", don't doubt him! He whooped me!" He said.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaah! It's the mole people!" Joey screamed in fright

"NO! It's me, Rex Raptor!"

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaa! It's the mole people!" Joey still yelled.

"Sheesh! I'm outa here, I'll come back when Joey isn't so racist against moles." Rex exclaimed as he went back into his hole.

"Well, Roba, if you can read minds, what am I gonna do?"

"Uhhhhhh...duel me?"

"Yikes! How did ya know?!" Joey said with amazement.

"I told you I'm psychic!" said Espa proudly as he did a strange hand motion.

Evil arrowhead: strange hand motion, eh? Let's check on that building...

We now join the Espa Roba Brothers...

"That's the hand signal! He's going to duel!" said Espa Roba #2

"Yah! Big brother is gonna whip that guy!" said Espa Roba #3

"Heeeey! Look, everyone, I'm Michael Jackson!" said Espa Roba #4 as he held Espa Roba #5 over the balcony.

" Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" screamed Espa #5.

Evil arrowhead: and I thought I had problems. Let's see what Yugi is up to...

Yugi was watching the beginning of the duel between the "psychic" and the moron.

Evildreamstealer: you'll always be mean won't you?

Evil arrowhead: Yup!

Back to Yugi...

"Great, I suddenly get placed on a building to watch this duel. This is a waste of my time and everyone else's." Yugi was looking around for a way off of the building, when he notices four freaks on another building. "Great, just what I need, more freaks! Hey, wait a minute, Espa Roba is cheating! Hehehee, I'm not going to tell Joey, so he can lose!"

Back to Joey's duel...

"I play Jinzo!" said a very excited Roba.

"I play mugger!" Joey said (thanks for the Joey in a gang idea, MuggleBuddy.)

"What does that card do?" the Roba question.

"It allows me to do this!" said Joey as he punched Espa Roba and stole all of his cards.

As Yugi watched in the distance, he said to himself ", It's about time Joey started believing in the Heart of the Fist!"

Evil arrowhead: too much exposure to Yugi might make you deaf, so we're switching to the Rare Hunters.

"I miss teddy..." Marik sighed

"Master! Teddy is like an illegal drug, you shouldn't go near it!" Odion scolded.

"Odion, in case you haven't noticed, everything the Rare Hunters do is illegal!"

"Master, if the Rare Hunters jumped off a cliff would you?"

"Odion! Why would I order my mind slaves to jump off cliffs?!"

"I was just speaking hypothetically, Master."

"It could never happen! Teddy makes more sense than you do! Speaking of teddy, where do you think he is, Odion?"

"I don't know, master, but shouldn't you dispatch your next Rare Hunter to defeat Yugi?"

"Ah! Of course! Dispatch Arkana at once!"

evil arrowhead: and we now join "Tadi" or teddy, who cares anyway?

Teddy had floated to shore on a piece of driftwood. "UGH...FINALLY..." he complained. Just then two children playing on the beach noticed him.

"Look, Tommy, It's a cute teddy bear!" said the girl.

"Let's blow it up with with fireworks, Suzy!" the boy responded.

"YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING!" teddy interrupted "NOW, YOU LITTLE PESTS, TAKE ME TO A DULIST!"

The children's' eyes grew dark as they responded ", Yes, teddy, we will do your bidding. We will find a duelist, right, teddy?"

"HAHAHAHAAA! YES THAT IS RIGHT! ONWARD MARCH!"

##########################################################

evildreamstealer: you are very disturbed.

Evil arrowhead: not as disturbed as you're going to be, after I finish this fic! Monkey Man! Tell the victims what is in store for them!

Naraku: Whom will Yugi duel next? Will Joey stick to his life of crime? Will Odion stop trying to teach Marik lessons? What duelist is teddy going to choose? Will they ever put the authoress in the asylum? Well, I don't care, I could be searching for the shikon jewel shards!

Evil arrowhead: Oh, Naraku! Look what I have! (Holds up Naraku's jewel shard.)

Naraku: Give that back!


	5. DeathT is good for me!

Evil arrowhead: chapter 5 has begun!

Evildreamstealer: and so has everyone's suffering.

Evil arrowhead: . yup!

Evildreamstealer: that's not a good thing.

Naraku: of course it's a good thing, I base my entire career off of other people's suffering!

Evil arrowhead: same with me! And speaking of careers... The EGC has a new member!

Evildreamstealer: someone actually responded?

Evilarrowhead: what does it sound like? Anyways... Congrants to **MuggleBuddy **for owning latin countries, I myself have conquered Chile...

Evildreamstealer: there she goes again...rambling on and on...what a cute little fantasy...

Disclaimer the Great: evil arrowhead doesn't own yu-gi-oh—

Naraku: or Naraku.

Evildreamstealer: and for the last time, we're all glad she doesn't.

evil arrowhead: Ahem. Where did we end... oh, yes, we now join teddy and his two sevents as they search for a new host for teddy...

They continued down the roads of Domino City until they came across a very tall and excessively decorated building.

"AH, YES! WHOEVER OWNS THIS BUILDING WILL BE MY NEW HOST!" Teddy exclaimed "TAKE ME TO THE TOP FLOOR OF THIS BUILDING, AT ONCE!"

evil arrowhead: I didn't get my pen name for just picking random hosts for diabolical teddy bears! Let's see who is going to be teddy's new "owner".

Evildreamstealer: actually, Jo, you picked your own penname.

Evil arrowhead: who cares? I don't.

On the top floor of the building...

"Hey, big brother!" Mokuba said happily as his elder brother walked into the room.

"Cut the crap, Mokuba, have any of the Egyptian god cards been summonded?" Kaiba said (very rudely).

"Well now I'm not gonna tell you." Mokuba retorted. (good for you, Mokie!)

"Fine then, Mokuba, I guess it's off to Death-T for you!"

"B-b-but, big brother!"

"None of that 'big brother' nonsense is going to work on me, Mokuba! Now either play a penalty game or tell me if the god cards have been summonded!"

"N-no they haven't, Seto..." Mokuba stammered.

Evilarrowhead: Mokuba should just murder Seto...

Evildreamstealer: Keep it PG, Jo...

Let's check up on Yugi...

Yugi was walking through the city looking for a duel, again, when he met a clown. "Greetings," said the clown as he approached Yugi.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!" said Yugi as he punched the clown. "The heart of the fist helped me win again!" Yugi was about to do a victory dance, but then he noticed a nearby tent. "I bet there is a bunch of clowns in there! I gotta sock 'em all!" And there went Yugi, running to the tent. Poor Arkana...

Then there was Joey...

Joey sat on a bench, thinking (yeah, right) about his latest victory "I think Yugi is on ta something with this heart of the fist."

He was about to practice the heart of the fist on an elderly woman passing by when Tristan came and crashed into a bush nearby. "Yo! Joey! I'm going to check on your sis at the hospital! See Ya!" as he proceeded to ram three people on his way out.

"Huh?" said Joey as the obviously drunk and desperate Tristan drove off.

Ah, my favorite part...

We now join our characters of less importance, as they sit and plot horrible things.

Marik sat in his chair, a lot, which made Odion wonder how he stayed in shape.

Evilarrowhead: ooooo, I feel an evil idea!

Then it came clearly to Odion. Marik must have an eating disorder! Odion ran off to the kitchen in order to fetch some norishment for his poor, starving, master.

evilarrowhead: Hahahaa! It'll be funny to see him shove food down Marik's throat!

Evildreamstealer: -.-()

Naraku: do I still have to announce?

Evilarrowhead: If you want to be fed, yes.

Naraku: sigh Next time on Teddy: a battle city story! Will teddy really complete his evil plan to get a new host? Will Mokuba still be sent to Death-T? Will Yugi actually duel? I don't know, and I don't care.

Evilarrowhead: You heard 'im. You can review if you want. It's on here for your enjoyment, and reviews might make me update faster. 'Till then, adios!


	6. Tadi's irk

Evil arrowhead: (tears in eyes) I'm so happy! People actually want me to be mean!

Evildreamstealer: That explains why you tied me to a chair...but did you really need to put Naraku in a shark tank?

Evil arrowhead: Ah, he had it coming...

Naraku: (drenched) you...will..._die_...

Evildreamstealer: this could get ugly; let's continue the story, shall we?

Disclaimer the Great: but first! Evil arrowhead doesn't own Yu-gi-oh, and soon won't own a life.

evil arrowhead: (severely maimed) okay, kiddos, where were we? Ah, yes, Odion was off to the kitchen...

When Odion reached the kitchen, he grabbed the first food he saw, unfortunately for Marik-kun that food was...

"_Low-fat Energy bars!!!! _What are you planning to do with those Odi—!"

Marik didn't even finish his sentence when Odion started shoving the rock-hard substances into his mouth.

Evil arrowhead: yes, I remember when I tried to eat an energy bar...I still have trouble getting to sleep at night...

"Master, this is for your own good!" Odion cried as he continued his hard, chewy, icky food onslaught.

I think Marik had quite enough, because he ran out of the room and onto a boat railing...making very disturbing noises.

Evil arrowhead: heh, I think I'll stop there...Who's my next victim-err, subject?

Teddy entered the Kaiba corporation building with the two children. They walked up to the front desk and faced the secretary.

"We wish access to the leader of this building." The children chanted unanimously.

The secretary looked down on the children, "Mr. Kaiba is..." She was interrupted by maniacal laughter from upstairs "...busy. Are you two lost?"

"No." they answered creepily.

"Then may I say, what a cute little teddy bear!" she said cheerfully.

At these words teddy's patience ran out. "CUTE LITTLE TEDDY BEAR?!!! THE GREAT TADI CANNOT STAND THIS!! YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED!!" teddy's eyes flashed seconds later the secretary was face down on the desk. People stared for a moment, then resumed to their daily routine. The children then entered the elevator and continued their ascent to Kaiba...

Evil arrowhead: Next! Who's next in line for torment?!

Last time we checked on Yugi, he was making a mad dash for the tent, in the hopes of crashing some clowns...

"Send in the clowns!" Yugi scream as he ran through the opening. After a minute of randomly punching things, Yugi noticed a computer screen. "What's this?" asked as he approached the oddly placed computer "let's see...Yugi Motou, rarest card...Dark Magician! I gotta duel this guy! Imagine the possibilities of two Dark Magicians in my deck!" Yugi thought for a minute. "Oh, wait I am Yugi...Then who was looking me up? Wait a second...I have a stalker! Eeeeeeeeeeee! I feel so insecure!" this speech was succeeded by a session of seizure like behavior, then a fit punching, and finally, a floating holographic Dark magician, who was obviously trying to get Yugi's attention.

"Yugi!" the magician started.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! It's my stalker!" Yugi finished.

"I'm not a stalker!"

"That's what they all say!" said Yugi as he covered his eyes "if I can't see you, you can't see me! Eheehee..."

The Dark Magician decided to just play along "I really couldn't see you if you stepped into that box." He said as his finger pointed to a magical box.

"Brilliant! I'm going to run in the box for shelter!"

evil arrowhead: **-.-()** and I thought Joey was stupid...speaking of the little bugger, where is he now?

Joey stood facing in the direction Tristan ran still gawking like the vegetable he was...wait, is he drooling?

Evil arrowhead: ugh, now I have to switch to weapon-head...you know torture is harder than it looks!

Tristan sped on his motorcycle trying to get to the hospital as fast as he could, unfortunately, he didn't notice the people in the way, therefore adding more patients to the very same hospital. After many rammings, he arrived at the hospital.

"Boy oh boy, I can't wait to see Serenity, this time Joey can't make me stop staring at her! And since she's temporarily blind..."

evil arrowhead: eheheee...I think this is a good time to switch...

We now join Kaiba at his desk...wait a sec...he's not there...( the camera starts shaking a bit as it travels down the hall) Kaiba....Kaiiiibaaaa....(the camera comes to the main control room) aha...let's see (opens the door to reveal...) A life supply of uranium! I'm so happy! Oh, wait wrong door...(opens the right door to reveal...) Kaiba using his duel disk to scare small children. I'm even happier!

"Let me help!" the excited author exclaimed.

"Oh, okay." (what kind of response was that, Kaiba?)

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!" the unfortunate little ones screamed.

--- arrowed!

supersonic663: evil arrowhead's not here, she went off on some sort of "project".

Asouronis: "project" as in going off with Kaiba to scare little kids.

Naraku: does that mean I don't have to announce?

Supersonic663: no...she put her cat in charge...

Naraku:...and that requires me to announce?

Pandora: meow.

Supersonic663: No, Pandora said she'll do it this time.

Pandora: Meow. Meeeeerrrroooooowwwww...purrrr...grr...Meow...meowwwwwwww, evil arrowhead, merroww...meeeeoooww...

Translator the uncommon: Next time on (reads script) Teddy: a battle city story! Marik's apparent 'cough' eating disorder, Yugi's paranoia, Tristan's hit-and-run habit, and Kaiba and evil arrowhead's No Child not Disturbed program.

Asouronis: I heard she tried to make that program into a government project. Never got passed the mailbox.


	7. Characters vs Random stuff

Evil arrowhead: yawn ....WHOA!!!! I NEED TO UPDATE!!!

Supersonic663: yeah...

Asouronis: yup...

Naraku: Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Evil arrowhead: shut up, everyone! I'll update if I want to!!!

And suddenly, a group of loyal leaders swoops down and forces to write.

Evil arrowhead: darn narrator...oh...and she-who-will-not-be-named, fine you can stay out of my story, after all you were replaceable!!! Feh, give me a bad review, will you? Well, SUFFER you #$#$#$#$$##$&$!

Supersonic663: BURN!!!!

Disclaimer the Grrrrrrrrreat!:...........what? Am I a cereal? Oh, well, anyway...evil arrowhead doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh, or pop-tarts.

Evil arrowhead: But, soon, I will own the world!!!!

We now join Yugi...

Yugi (who was very paranoid at the time) stepped into the box. Suddenly, he was in an arena. "Whoa check 'dis crib out!" he exclaimed.

"Greeeeeeeeeeeeetingsssssss, Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugiiiiiii!" and strange and girly voice sounded out from the distance.

"And who would you be?" asked Yugi."

"I am the Magician--"

"Hey, are you that one magician that was attacked by a tiger?" interrupted Yugi.

"No, I am—"

"Are you really magical?"

"No I'm—"

"Then you're not a magician!"

"Fine! I'm Arkana! Or Pandora, or whatever!" said the man with many names as he pulled a rabbit out of his hat.

"Ooooooooooooo! You lied! You said you weren't magical so I wouldn't steal your powers! Well too bad!" screamed Yugi as he lept out at Arkana.

"Nooooo! Wait!!!!" But to no avail, Yugi knocked Arkana's hat out of his hand. Then the hat started emitting sparks.

"Uh oh. What did I do, Arkana?"

"You fool! Now the hat will continuously create rabbits!" and sure enough, cute little rabbits started hopping out of the hat.

"Aaaaaaawwwwww....aren't they cute?" admired Yugi.

"Nooooooooo!!" screamed Arkana as a rabbit ripped off his head.

Evil arrowhead: bull's eye!

Supersonic663: where did that term come from anyway...

Evil arrowhead: I think I'll you readers hangin' for awhile 'till I update...(if that ever happens)

Next...we join...um...Kaiba! Yeah, Kaiba!.... insert plot here 

Kaiba sat at his desk pretending to work. He got bored. "I am bored," he announced " I will now go outside. He pressed a button on his desk labeled "dramatic leave sequence".

Suddenly 3 men in black suits entered the office.

"You're coming with us Mr. Kaiba!" they ordered.

"You'll never take me alive!" Kaiba screamed as he broke the window and jumped out of it, from the 50th story, right above Domino's busiest street.

Evil arrowhead: anyone want Kaiba flavored pancakes?

Let's go check on Tristan and Serenity...

"Quick, Serenity, what am I?" questioned Tristan as he flapped his arms in a strange manner.

"Tristan, for the 20th time! I can't see! Gosh!" whined Serenity.

"Right! I'm a seagull!"

"groan..."

It's teddy!

Teddy and his two minions finally reached Kaiba's office. While they expected to see him sitting on his desk, pretending to work. They were instead greeted by a broken window and no CEO in sight.

"NOOOOOOO! MY HOST! ONWARD MINIONS! WE MUST NOT LET HIM ESCAPE!"

So the two children jumped out the broken window in a futile effort to capture the mentally ill, Kaiba...

We now join...err...the rare hunters.

Marik was feeling better now, despite his previous...meal...so he felt like...playing tennis! insert tennis blooper video here .

Asouronis: uh...you should stay on task.

Evil arrowhead: lot's of people say that...Of course I don't listen.

Marik then decided to check on his rare hunter, Arkana. After finding out that, due to the author's cruel writing, Arkana suffered a painful death by decapitation, Marik ate some pop-tarts.

Asournis: you really need a better attention span.

Evil arrowhead: let's ride bikes!

After the pop-tarts were eaten a genie came out of the box. "Greeting I am—"

"DIE!" yelled Marik as he pulled the dagger out of the millennium rod. Before he could stab the genie, the rod's blade was digitized out. "What?!!"

"Ha-ha! I am the genie of poptartica! Said the genie.

"I don't care, all I want to do is stab you!" Marik said as he pulled out the rod's blade again, which was digitized out instantly "do'h!"

"You can't kill me, as long as 4 kids is on my side!"

"I'll find a way!'

meanwhile in another part of the world...

An evil force approached the 4 kids studio. The evil being entered the building and instantly knocked out everyone it came near. "Hehehe...your reign of kid-friendliness is over, 4 kids," the sinister creature said to itself.

evil arrowhead: 3 guesses on who that is.

Supersonic663: you.

Evil arrowhead: I said 3 GUESSES!

Supersonic663: fine, you, you—

Evil arrowhead: --Hakusho!

Naraku: you just had to do that, didn't you?

Evil arrowhead: the only reason you're here, buddy, is to announce! Now get to it!

Naraku: Don't call me buddy. Anyway, who is this mysterious being—(evil arrowhead: 3 guesses!) will Yugi survive the multiplying rabbits of doom? Will Kaiba ever be sensible? Will teddy ever be sensible enough to pick someone more sensible than Kaiba? Will Tristan get a hint? Will Marik ever defeat the genie of pop-tartica? Will Tea and Joey every make it out of the plot hole they are stuck in now? Find out next time! If there is one...on Teddy: a battle city story! And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to faint from the lack of oxygen in my lungs thud .


	8. The Sound of Annoyance

**Sorry I haven't updated… my evil account wouldn't sign on…**

**evil arrowhead:** hehee…this may seem silly…but…I have no idea who that dark and mysterious person from the last chapter is… (Starts banging head against wall "stupid short attention span!" is heard over and over again…)

**Supersonic663:** ?

**Evil arrowhead:** what was I doing just now?……I'm going to sit in the corner for awhile…(stops)…no…I'm going to…uh…cartwheel….WEEEEEEEEE!

**Disclaimer the Great:** evil arrowhead does not own Yu-Gi-Ooooooooooooh! It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dd-dd-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dWHAP! (evil arrowhead is standing over the disclaimer with a frying pan in her hand)

**evil arrowhead:** I finally found something to do!

**Asoronis:** hey…where did Naraku go?

**evil arrowhead:** Hey! That gives me an idea!

oo8oo8oo-

The enigmatic figure continued down the hall on its dark mission. An ominous feeling filled the air. The patrons of the building had all fainted.

"Keheheh…" the dark shape cackled "soon children's television will no longer be censored…". It continued down the seemingly endless-because-the-author-likes-big-creepy-buildings hall until it reached the HEAD OFFICE. It entered through the HEAD OFFICE door and sat down in a chair facing the desk. "Aheeahawhkeemm!" the figure coughed out "aye do belayve we have some business old chap". Suddenly the office lights flicked on, and the ever-mysterious being was revealed to be…

_Some drunk crazy guyyyyyy_

Had too much whiskey to drink So drunk, he thinks he can flyyyyy… 

_Hey! Get him out of the kitchen sink!_

_Just passing byyyyyy…(the drunk guy)_

_Makes it hard for one to think…(that explains the fainting…)_

_Evil arrowhead made this soooooong…_

_That proves her mind is wrong…_

Evil arrowhead: I wrote some music to go along with this, but you folks get the point, I hope…

Well, anyhoo, the lights turned on to reveal _the crazy drunk guyyy…_and the

4-kids® president's chair turned around to reveal…

**evil arrowhead:** Ahahahahaha! You like my cliffhanger don't you! Ahahahahah—_CLANK!_

**evildreamstealer:** (hits the ever-hyper evil arrowhead, with a frying pan) good riddance.

**Supersonic663:** _you're back._ (Looks at evildreamstealer with shifty eyes.)

**Everyone else:** GET ON WITH IT!

We now join Yugi…

**evildreamstealer:** _we_…what do you mean by WE!

**evil arrowhead:** my multiple personalities and me.

Like we said before we now join Yugi…

While sitting in the arena with the oh-so-cute-and-adorable-evil-bunnies-that-fate-decided-to-release-onto-an-unsuspecting-planet , Yugi realized that he, _himself_, Yugi Motou, KING OF GAMES™ was in danger. For, not long after the unfortunate Arkana had met his end by the hands of King James IV- the leader of the Order of

oh-so-cute-and-adorable-evil-bunnies-that-fate-decided-to-release-onto-an-unsuspecting-planet-; the accursed rabbits had started to chew on Yugi as well.

So Yugi devised a plan, a sneaky plan, an evil plan, a overly-described plan, to escape from the horrid hoard (say that 5 times fast) of…well…rabbits… He got out his cell phone and typed in a number. The phone started ringing, silence ran through the crowd of already silent rabbits.

"Hellllloooooo…" the person on the other line cheerfully cheered.

Evil arrowhead: ….I have to make some mental preparation before I type this……

"Hello, Tea," Yugi forced himself to say.

"Hiiiii, Yugiiiii! Is this you, or the _other_ you?"

"No time for that, Tea, I have a problem…you see these rabbits are lonely and they really need friends…" Yugi started

"Speak no more Yugi!" said Tea who was already standing next to the filthy, stinking, shady…

"Lair!" shrieked Tea "these aren't rabbits, they're oh-so-cute-and-adorable-evil-bunnies-that-fate-decided-to-release-onto-an-unsuspecting-planet!"

"Oh…" stammered Yugi "Now I see the difference, the point is Tea, they need a friend…"

"I'll do my best, Yugi" said Tea as she pulled out a machine gun "say hello to my little friend!" she cackled evilly.

A few edited scenes later…

"See, Yugi, they're friends with God now." Tea preached.

"Mmmhuhh…" murmured Yugi who was obviously traumatized for life.

Evil arrowhead: let's check on Joey…_I don't trust him_.

Joey sat on a stool 

_Looking like a fool_

_Then some kid _

_Said what Weevil did_

_Joey blew his fuse and said_

" _If Weevil should refuse, he's dead!"_

_And so Joey went to battle_

_Because of some kid's tattle_

_And all of the while_

_Partook something vile_

_The little kid slipped into Joe's deck_

_Something that would wreck _

_The future duel_

_Weevil you ghoul!_

Evil arrowhead: …did I just break into a song?

Naraku: never…ever…do that…again…

We now join Marik…or…Malik if you're some sort of "Yugioh authenticity extremist".

Marik was cowering in fear on his new enemy. "Hey I'm not cowering in fear!" he exclaimed ," I'm strategically covering myself!"

Well anyway…the genie of poptartica was about destroy Marik for good when some rabid Marik _and _Malik fangirls came and devoured the genie whole. Marik then snuck away and rode off on his motorcycle. Odion was then sucked in by the ever-growing plot-hole.

We have one more place to stop before you are allowed to stop reading.

Teddy and the children jumped out of the window to catch up with Kaiba. But being the clever CEO he was, Kaiba used his BlueEyedWhiteDragonCard/Grappling Hook to latch onto a close by building. Unfortunately for Kaiba, Teddy possessed evil diabolical powers. Teddy used his powers to fly over to Kaiba, and then stole Kaiba's soul.

**evil arrowhead**: this was by far the weirdest chapter yet!

**evildreamstealer**: this author is the weirdest one I've met!

**Supersonic663**: just when you think the madness is leaving…

**asoronis**: you see more people grieving…

**evil arrowhead**: and this I say with all of my heart…

**Naraku**: don't miss the next part!…ACK! Stupid Author…

Now that is all said and done… Join us next chapter for more fun! 


	9. what was the name again?

Evil arrowhead:…………………ugh…I think I just woke up from a three-month sugar high……………..HOLY CRACKERS! I haven't updated AAAAAAARRRGGGHHHHH! **CLANK! **

Naraku: that shut her up.

Disembodied voice: Thanks for all your reviews, folks…I am back and I will spell everything correctly!

Disclaimer the lesser: evil arrowhead does not own Yu-gi-oh or anything that rips off of it.

The sinister and mysterious 4 kids CEO turned around to reveal: Dan Rather! "Hehehe…" Mr. Rather cackled evilly, "I, myself, am keeping the truth from the children!"

"You sicko 'hic' I'll stop yoouuu…'hic," the drunken man stammered, but before he could use the Heart of the Fist, he collapsed into a drunken heap on the floor.

"Heh…by now thousands of kids believe that 'dark energy disks' are real!"

"hic,"

"And that Marik just wants the power of the Pharaoh,"

"hic,"

"And of course, my favorite one, the stuffed animal we know as "teddy" is completely harmless! Fools, all of them!"

"…"

"Well, drunken fool, why are you silent?"

"I'm playing dead, so _he_ won't notice me,"

"What?"

"…."

"Feh, fool," Started Dan "He should--!" he was immediately interrupted by a person crashing through the window.

"Crash!" went the window.

"Ahahahahahaaaaa! Went the mysterious figure.

"………………." Went teddy.

Dan Rather looked up in utter horror at the bloodstained intruder. "Seto Kaiba! I didn't know you were in league with _him_," he said gesturing towards teddy.

"FOOL, KAIBA IS NO LONGER HERE!" said Kaiba in a creepy voice. "IT IS I, TADI, RULER OF ALL THAT IS…"

"All right already," Dan interrupted "I get it, what do you want, _Tadi_?"

"FOOL, YOUR BLASPHEMY IS THE ONLY REASON!"

"What the—" Mr. Rather was enveloped in complete darkness. All traces of the CBS reporter quickly disappeared (along with a large sum of his financial savings) with Kaiba and teddy.

The drunken man got up and looked around in relief. "Pheeeewwww, I avoided ssssome serioussss trrrouble…" he stammered out. Unfortunately for the intoxicated man, he did not notice the mass of rabbits coming down the hallway…

Evil arrowhead: for the sake of this story's rating, I think I'll end the whole "CEO" thing.

After harassing Serenity for a half of an hour, Tristen was kicked out of the hospital. Serenity sat quietly on her bed. "I'm so glad they kicked him out, I was getting tired of that game!" suddenly a nurse's voice rang out.

"Have you seen—oops I mean heard a little boy running around here?" asked the nurse.

"No, why do you ask?"

"He has stolen some medicinal marijuana, if you smell any smoke, please page a nurse immediately."

"Okay," Serenity said. She heard the nurse's footsteps echoing down the hallway. "You really shouldn't smoke like that, anyone can smell you."

"Dang," said a voice from under the bed.

"Come out and I'll teach you the proper way of smoking a joint,"

Joey ran as fast as he could in Weevil's direction, "Tee hee hee," squeaked Weevil, "I my preshioush bugsh shall devour you whole!"

"Uh…er…ah I'll…um…squash you!" Joey laboriously stated.

"I'd like to shee you try!"

"Um…yeah?"

"Let'sh shtart thish duel!" Shpat out Weevil.

"Um…I am supposed to use something…what was it, Heart of the…?" said Joey thinking as hard as his little brain would allow.

"Firsht, I plashe thish card down," a card appeared on the field.

"Whooooooooa!" yelled Joey, "a card just appeared like that! How is that possible?"

"Didn't you lishten when Sheto Kaiba eshplained? Hey wait a shecond, where ish your duel dishk?"

"Duel Dishk? What's that? The things we got for free? I thought those were dinner trays!"

"Jeeeeesh, I might ash well take all of your locater cardsh…"

"Locater cardsh?"

"You need them to get into the finalsh, shtupid!"

"Oh, in that case, Heart of the…something!" Joey declared as he whacked Weevil and stole his locater cards. "Alright, now to go find Yugi and find out what 'heart' I'm supposed to use!"

Marik was angery, not only did _two _of his rare hunters fail him, but now his motorcycle had a flat tire. "I knew I shouldn't have taken that shortcut that led through a field of bramble; however, that won't stop me! I'll get you, Pharoach!" (tee hee, I didn't notice I was misspelling it!) So Marik continued leading his motorcycle down the road. "I know," he said to himself, "I'll use Strings next! He's not as stupid as the others! Yugi stands no chance against the power of a mime! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!"

A man stood on a bench, pigeons sat on the man. The man was silent, of course that didn't stop kids from throwing things at him. But that's beside the point, for Yugi, who was still in clown-killing mode, had spotted him.

Evil arrowhead: the horror, the horror… poor Strings…

Naraku: What nonsense will happen next? I don't care.


End file.
